High in confidence. Low in confidence. Moodswings. Not a cosy girl. Don’t come and see me today. Goodbye Cruel World, I’m off to join the circus. That was a pop song, Ken used it in his film when he followed her and three of the boys about and showed their lives, their work, their day. She filmed a dream instead, a real recurring dream (her final year dissertation was dreams) and after that film by Ken, in came all the dream jobs, the acting offers, 1963, dream of a year, anus mirabilis ha ha ha. All the things that had happened were the kind of thing, she supposed, that if they were ever to do one of those timelines of your life, born 6 March 1938, died whenever, would look sort of marvellous on a timeline. Grabowski show, radio work, married Clive, dancer on Ready Steady Go!, acting at Royal Court (acting was a time thing, though, sort of confidence trick. Painting was the real thing). And then the future. All the thirties up to thirty nine sounded great. Between forty and fifty would be hell. She hoped she’d never get hard. She’d never want to be too fixed in her ways.
